If you are blessed enough to have children, grandchildren, and/or employees who are smart, you likely feel at least an occasional need to tell them they are smart.
That’s fine, of course, to a point. But we actually retard the development of those in our stewardship, if we overplay the use of “you are so clever.”
This was brought to my mind when I saw the results of a recent study that made this conclusion. It’s not the first time I’ve seen such a report. Perhaps you have seen them, too. [An example is this self-destruction lite article.]
But, this time, it caused me to reflect back regarding the truth of this conclusion in my own life and the lives of those I had the privilege of stewarding. I was told at an early age that I had a high IQ, was treated special by my teachers, could see for myself that I learned much more quickly than most of my friends, and was often told that I did well because I was “smart” (or clever).
I pay for that even today. If I am examining some new concept and do not grasp it fairly quickly, I feel as if my mojo is gone. Fortunately, thanks to my Dad, who believed in the value of hard work and taught me to enjoy it, I also know that you really don’t succeed without hard work. Nobody does.
Now I see that I need to work with my son so he passes this lesson on to my oldest grandson, who is becoming lazy because he thinks everything should be easy for him. When he does do well, he needs to be praised for his work, not for how clever he was.
Anyway, despite the fact that this is a bit of a strange topic to bring up, it seemed important to me that it be shared. If the message is timely for even a few of you, then I feel good about sharing it.